Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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