Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
