mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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