I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
