I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
