he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
