Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
