if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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