I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
