walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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