guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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