I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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