i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
