can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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