Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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