Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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