.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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