I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
