she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
As shirtless as possible
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
