Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
