i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
