omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
