what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
