I showed him my bush... on skype.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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