I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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