I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
