I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
