There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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