too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
