I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
