I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
