i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
