I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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