out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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