On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
