i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
