My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
