so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
