Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
