the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
