evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
