Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
