I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
