They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
