u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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