Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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