This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize