i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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