its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
