Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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