just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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