I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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