worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
