Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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