I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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