Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
