I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
