I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
