she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
