Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
