I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
