His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
