talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
