Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
