Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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