Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
