R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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