what day is it and did you see me today?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
