youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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