he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
