I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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