booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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